


Snippet: Choices

by DarlaBlack



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, F/M, Post-The X-Files: I Want To Believe (2008)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 04:46:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14709333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarlaBlack/pseuds/DarlaBlack
Summary: Possibly part of THE breakup, or at least a conversation that I imagine could have contributed to it.





	Snippet: Choices

**Author's Note:**

> This is a snippet that I’m thinking of developing, inspired by a rewatch of IWTB. I usually don’t engage, writing-wise, with canonical stuff post-Requiem (for possibly obvious reasons), but I’m thinking of a series of vignettes that address some elements from seasons 8, 9, and beyond. This is my first posted fic since 2002, so I would really appreciate any feedback.

Farrs Corner, VA  
11:02 PM

“Mulder, every time we look into the darkness we almost fall.” They were face-to-face in their living room, books and the remains of their long-cold dinner spread across the table beside them. “I’m tired of falling. I’m tired of losing you. And of almost losing you.”

“I know that,” he said. “I know that.” His hand moved from her hair to her shoulder, then down her arm to grasp her fingers. “But we also stand back up and keep fighting. That’s what we do. Scully, how many lives have we saved, you and I? How many monsters have we stopped? How many families are still together because of us?”

She was nodding, but her eyes were wet, ready to spill over. “And what about our family?” She looked at him. “When do we get to save ourselves?”

Mulder opened his mouth to speak, but could say nothing. He shook his head, his heart breaking. He didn’t know.

“I’ve told you so many times that I would do it all again, and I would. I wouldn’t change the decisions I’ve made—to follow you, to stay, to point our lights into the darkness. But there have also been times when you’ve faced a choice, between me and the darkness. And every time, Mulder, every single time, you’ve chosen the darkness.” The tears did spill now, and she took a step back from him, feeling vulnerable and clenching up tightly the parts of her resolve that she needed to steel. “I thought that when we bought this little house, that we were making a life. That you were choosing me. But now I don’t know if that’s true, or if that’s a choice you really wanted to make.”

His jaw was clenching. He felt his guts being scooped out from the inside. He thought back to a conversation with her sister, so very many years ago, in his darkened apartment while Dana lay dying. He  _had_  chosen her then, even if she hadn’t known, but only because Melissa had held him accountable and practically forced him. How many times had he refused to see this same quandary in Scully’s face, to hear it in her words? How many times had he stubbornly run in the other direction because he wanted to think of himself as righteous and brave? There were more silent tears now, and she took another step back.

“If you can’t choose me, Mulder, not ever, then I can’t stay. I can’t follow and fight monsters knowing it’s the only part of me you want.” Another half step toward the kitchen, away from him. “Just know that I’ve never asked you to give up. That’s not what I’m asking or what I’ve ever asked. I just want you to see, to know, and to trust me. You can choose me, choose yourself, choose us, and not choose to give up. I will always stand and fight beside you, but I need to know that I mean more to you than only that.”

With those words and a heavy breath, she turned and walked into the kitchen, letting him process what she’d said. She pulled the kettle down from its shelf, filled it, turned it on. Mulder stood where she’d left him, feeling sucker punched, but knowing she was right. He felt the stirrings of anger, too, although at whom he wasn’t sure.

—-

To be continued? Still deciding if I want this to be a thing…

tumblr: spookydarlablack


End file.
